Probably Wouldn't Be This Way (fan-fic)

I wrote this a few years ago, and is some of you were once members of BillyHeads you might have read it on there. This is one of the many fan-fics I had posted on that site (t8luvsbilly was my username on BH), Anyway, I thought I would post it on here. I might post some of my others later on. I know I already got one request for a particular story to be posted on here. Sorry this one isn't it yet, still going through and editing it again.
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Chapter One-Dreaming
Part One

The crowd roared as my name was introduced by the announcer. Billy kissed me one more time before I walked out and waved to the crowd. The music started and on my cue, I belted out the notes to my song.

Sunday morning, baby, how was your night?
I kiss you and you hold me in your arms so tight.
Let’s lay in bed all day, baby we ain’t got no place to go.
Just you me starting our week in love.

Monday rolls along, we both leave for work,
Waiting for the night to come along
When I can see your smile once more.
Just a typical week in love.

Yeah, living our weeks in love,
You and me baby,
Flying high above.
Living each day, one week at a time,
You and me baby,
Living a week in love.

Tuesday, Wednesday,
Two more days passing slowly,
Thursday comes around,
And our spirits rise a little more.

Friday night baby,
How was your week?
Yeah, mine was wonderful
With you here beside me.

Yeah, living our weeks in love,
You and me baby,
Flying high above.
Living each day, one week at a time,
You and me baby,
Living a week in love.

Saturday babe, it’s just us two,
We go to a movie, or maybe out to eat.
It doesn’t matter to me,
‘Cause I know that you’ll be there.
Yeah, living our weeks in love,
You and me baby,
Flying high above.
Living each day, one week at a time,
You and me baby,
Living a week in love.

Oh yeah baby,
You know we’re in love.

Yeah, yeah,
A week in love,
A week in live,
In love,
In love,
Just a week in love.

As I looked out into the crowd screaming for more at the end of the song, I was brought back to the time when I almost gave up on my life long dream of being a country music singer. It was because of the love I have for Billy Gilman, and the love he shows me, that I was able to give it one more chance and try at another record label.

“Come on Micara, just try it one more time baby,” Billy pleaded. “I know you can make it, you just can’t give up.” He looked into my eyes, and I knew he was right. He didn’t have to remind me that Garth Brooks was rejected by every record label twice before hitting it big. I sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to stop nagging me unless I tried one more time.

“Alright Billy, I’ll give it another shot, but only because I love you so much,” I promised him.

Well, little did I know then, that “one more time” would jumpstart me into stardom. My first single went straight up the charts, much like “One Voice” did for Billy, and I always credited him with giving me the extra confidence I needed when I was ready to give up.

I like this one. Thanks! Oh, and take your time! I've waited this long. I can wait a little longer.

Part Two

I awoke from the oh-so-familiar dream in a cold sweat. It wasn’t the dream itself that scared me, but the fact the he was in it, constantly haunting me and preventing me from moving on. It had been over a year, and he was still there, but whenever I needed him the most, he was gone.

His hand touched my cheek and slowly slid down my arm until it folded into my hand. I felt his kiss on my lips, his breath on my neck, and I could even smell the familiar sent of his cologne all around me. He wasn’t there, and my tears flowed as I longed to hold him once more. I clung to his pillow, and it didn’t take long before I was lost in the memories and dreaming about him once again.

I could hear his sweet voice in my ear softly whispering, “I’m here babe, and I’m here for you always.” The tears flowed even harder as I feel into his chest and found nothing there.

Part Three

The next morning I was awakened by a knock on the door and the sound of little feet running to answer it. I quickly got up, wrapped my robe around me, and met Jessica Andrews climbing on the bus with Mickey in her arms.

Michael William Gilman, or Mickey as everyone called him, was the most beautiful six-year-old boy I have ever known. He looked just like Billy; the same blonde hair, and the same light blue eyes that looked at everything like an angel.

“Hey Micara, did I wake you guys up?” Jessica asked. She set Mickey down and he ran and hugged me.

“Good morning Mommy!” He said excitedly.

“Morning sweetie,” I replied hugging him back. My heart swelled with love and pride every time I looked into his eyes. I looked over at Jessica and I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to talk to me alone. “Why don’t you run off and play while me and Auntie Jess talk for awhile, then the three of us will do something, ok?”

“Okay Mom,” he said and ran into his playroom.

I love it please continue writing the story

Chapter Two-Reliving the Past

Part One

Jessica and I sat down across from each other at the table and sat in silence for awhile. I knew we were about to have another one of the talks we often had, trying to get me over Billy for good, but they always ended in me having another flashback. She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers, but I really saw Billy. I smiled as he winked at me, holding our new little girl.


“Mickey, do ya wanna see your new little sister?” Billy asked our three-year-old son. He smiled and Billy lifted him onto the bed.

“Sissy!” He said excitedly, reaching out to hold her small hand.

“Mickey, this is your sister Liana Faith,” Billy said proudly. He pulled Mickey in front of him and carefully helped him to hold the new baby. I smiled to see Billy and Mickey so happy as he winked at me.


“Micara, Micara snap out of it! Please don’t do this already,” Jessica begged me. “Please don’t get lost in more flashbacks.”

I shook my head at the sound of her voice and immediately looked away. The tears were starting to come again, and I felt shame at letting myself get lost in flashbacks all the time. I knew it was hurting my relationship with the world, but I didn’t want my relationship with Billy to be forgotten either.

“I’m sorry Jess,” was all I could think to say.

She sighed, but smiled slightly when she asked me, “So, what was it about this time?” I grinned and wiped away the last of my tears…for now anyway.

“The day Lia was born,” I told her. She smiled and looked over at the last picture taken of the four of us together, at the beach in Florida after our last tour together.

Part Two

“Billy, Billy wake up! Please wake up, I know you can hear me. Please…please,” I cried on the way to the hospital. Mickey was hurt, but only slightly, I was fine, but Billy and Liana were unresponsive. I held Lia in my arms and held tightly to Billy’s hand as the ambulance drove as fast as it could to the nearest hospital.

“Mama,” Mickey said weakly beside me. “Where are we?”

I held on to his hand and softly whispered, “Everything will be alright, we’re all going to be fine.” And with that I started to sing his favorite song to him.

Well, we've come a long, long way
And there's no turning back
The road ahead is clear at last
We can search our whole life through
Never knowing what we'll find
But we can make it if we try

'Cause every cloud has a silver lining
Just believe that the sun will shine

“Mommy, are you okay?” Mickey asked innocently. I broke from my thoughts and quickly wiped my tears away. He was looking at me worriedly, fear etched all over his small face, and I picked him up and hugged him tight. He was all I had left in the world.

“I’m fine Mickey, I’m alright,” I assured him.

“Please don’t cry Mommy, it scares me when you cry,” he said as tears started to come to his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you like we did Daddy and Sissy.” I looked at him and wiped my eyes, unable to believe the words he said. I took him in my arms even tighter and wiped his tears away.

“You’ll never lose me baby, I’ll always be here. Daddy and Sissy are here, too, just look inside your heart. Remember what Daddy always told you?” I asked him. “Believe in your Heartsong.”

As I watched Mickey head back into his playroom I thought about what I had told him. “Believe in your Heartsong.” Mattie Stepanek had always told Billy and everyone he met that, and Billy had reminded me of that long ago. I forgot to listen to my Heartsong, but I told Mickey what I couldn’t do.

I placed my hand over my heart and prayed for the first time in a long time. I prayed for God to bless me and Mickey, and to help me remember my Heartsong that I had forgotten for so long.

Part Three

Mickey awoke in the middle of the night with the worst pain he had ever known since that day more than a year ago in his back. He tried to scream for his mom, but with each sound that came from his mouth the pain became even more unbearable. He settled into a silent cry, and for awhile it seemed to work, but then he felt more pain in his back. It didn’t last long, for a minute later a soothing feeling came to him, like someone was rubbing his back gently to calm him. The same way his dad used to when he was sick to get him to sleep. He thought about saying something out loud, but he felt his eyes slowly closing as sleep came over him and he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Are you going to post more?!

Chapter Three-The Accident

Part One

“Mama, I hungry,” two-year-old Lia said as she sat on her brother’s lap. The bus was roaring down the highway on the way to the next show, and both kids were starting to get a little restless from not being able to run outside for so long.

“Alright baby, I’ll fix you a snack,” I told her getting up for the table. Billy was up front talking to the bus driver about where we were heading and where we would be stopping.

“I’ll help Mommy,” Mickey said moving Lia off him and standing up.

“Me too, me too,” Lia said holding her hands up to be lifted on to the counter. I got out the bread and knife for making a sandwich and set her on top of the counter so she could watch.

“Mickey, will you get out the bologna and cheese please?” I asked my son. He handed them to me, but as I was about to spread the mayonnaise on the bread Lia fell off the counter and hit her head on the cupboard, and I was jerked to the floor along with Mickey.

I grabbed Mickey tightly and reached out for Lia, who was crying from where she hit her head. I could see blood, but I couldn’t get up to call for Billy or grab the phone. The bus was spinning across the road and Billy got up to try and get to us, but he was soon knocked against the windows as the bus spiraled into the guardrail and over a cliff. We began to fall from the floor as the bus flipped over and over, and I could feel my grip on the kids weaken. Mickey wrapped his arms around my neck tightly, and I tried to squeeze them both tighter. My hands slipped and Lia fell. She landed against Billy as I screamed in fear. Mickey stayed glued to my neck, and soon I was able to regain my hold on him and silently pray for all of us to be alright.

Part Two

“Not again,” I said to myself after I recovered from the familiar nightmare. No matter how much I tried to forget that day, it always came back to haunt my dreams at night. It also made me think about the effects the accident had on all of us.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Gilman, but we did all we could. Your husband and daughter have passed away,” the doctor said in a sorrowful tone, one that told me that he had gone through this many times with other patients.

“And my son?” I asked.

“He will be fine, although he will most likely have back problems throughout his life,” he told me.

The tears came and I didn’t even bother to stop them as the impact of everything I had heard hit me square in the chest. I felt like I was about to fall, and the doctor, seeing my reaction, led me to the nearest chair in the waiting room.

“Mom?” Mickey called from outside the door. I wiped away the sweat from my face and got up to open it for him. There were tears in his eyes, but a wide smile on his face. It was the sort of smile Billy would get after hearing the crowd roar at the end of a song.

“What is it Mickey?” I asked him. He climbed up on the bed with me and gave me a big hug. He didn’t seem to want to let go, but when he did, I could tell he was happy.

“I love you Mommy,” he told me.

“I love you, too baby,” I replied. “With all of my heart and soul.” We were silent for several minutes as he looked at me straight into my eyes, and I saw something in him.

“Daddy was with me tonight, I know it was him,” he suddenly said with boldness in his voice like I’d never heard from him before.

Awesome! Can't wait for more!

Chapter Four-Starting Over

Part One

As Mickey began to explain what happened, I felt an invisible hand on mine, but it soon disappeared. I knew it was Billy giving me a sign that everything would be alright. I would be able to move on.

“Daddy was in my dream,” Mickey told me, “And when I woke up, he was there with me. My back hurt again, but he rubbed it and made the pain go away like he used to when I was sick.” He looked up at me with admiring eyes and all I could do was just look back into his innocent blue eyes as he said words that were beyond his years. “He told me that you can move on now Mom, that he was okay and safe on the other side. We’re going to be okay now, and he’s going to watch over us forever and make sure we’re okay. Him and Sissy both. We don’t have to hurt anymore because he wants us to remember him in our heart, and not in our head. Remember your Heartsong Mommy.”

My eyes filled up with tears as I hugged my little boy tightly, seeing more of Billy in him than ever before. I smiled at the thought of Mickey being just like Billy, and slowly my tears stopped altogether. My heart suddenly felt lighter as I kissed Mickey’s forehead, and I knew that I would finally be able to move on and live my life again.

“I love you Mickey, with all of my heart,” I told him. “I promise that from now on I will be here for you no matter what. I won’t let your father’s memory get in the way of being a mom to you.”

Mickey continued to look up at me for several minutes, and I began to wonder if there was something else that he meant to tell me. His eyes held a secret in them, and when I was about to ask him what he wanted to say, he opened his mouth and spoke his mind.

“Dad told me to tell you something,” he began. “He said that he wants you to find someone to be there for you. He doesn’t want us to be alone forever, and he wants you to have someone new in our lives that will treat us right. He wants it to be someone he would like, someone that will be a dad to me, and someone that will be there for you no matter what happens. Someone that will love us as much as he loved us.”

All I could think to do, as I sat and listened to the words my son was speaking, was nod. I never knew that such a young soul could speak with such a vocabulary and knowledge that many adults didn’t seem to have.

Part Two

It was time for another show, and this time I was ready to put my entire heart and soul into it like I could before the accident. Over the past year my life seemed half empty, and the only reason I continued to carry on was because of Mickey. I wanted him to have a good life so I stopped living mine to the fullest and kept sulking. Now I was determined to change for the good, and the first step would be to apologize to my fans for not giving my performances my all.

“And now, give it up for Single of the Year nominated country star, Micara Gilman!” The announcer said as the curtain parted at the ACM awards later that year. The music started and I belted out my song stronger than I ever had before, even while Billy was alive. I was out to prove to my fans and critics alike that I was back and here to stay.

As I looked out into the audience at the end of the song, I saw many of my fellow country singers clapping very enthusiastically and one-by-one, standing up. They must have noticed a change in my performance, and I closed my eyes to stop my happy tears and took a breath as I looked back at the standing ovation I was getting. It was my first real standing ovation, and nothing could have made me happier.

Part Three

“And the winner for Country Single of the Year goes too…Micara Gilman!”

My mouth opened with shock as I heard my name called. Mickey was sitting next to me, and he jumped up and hugged me as tears came to my eyes. I did still have a fan base after all. I went up on stage, covering my mouth with a shaky hand, and gratefully accepted the award.

“I just have to say…wow. This past year has been crazy for me, and I want to first make an apology to all of my fans. I feel like I haven’t been giving my concerts my all, and that’s not fair to any of you. I want to personally thank all who have stuck by me this year and continue to come to my shows and buy my records. Thank you to the fans, and most of all, thank you to my son Mickey for showing me unconditional love and how to move on with our lives. And to my wonderful husband and daughter who will forever be watching over us in Heaven. I love you Billy and Lia.” I gave a wink to Mickey and a wave to the audience as I walked backstage.

I want more!

Chapter Five-The Holidays

Part One

The next few weeks seemed to fly by, since I no longer had to worry about the next concert or award show. Christmas was getting closer, our second Christmas without Billy and Lia. We both remembered how we spent the Christmas before, and neither of us wanted to remember it much.

The Christmas tree was up, with a few presents under it for Mickey and one or two for me, but without the rest of our family there with us, neither of us felt like celebrating. I tried to act happy for him, but Mickey could see right through me and hugged me as tears rolled down my eyes again. It was a full two days before he opened up his presents, and another week before he bothered to play with them.

As Mickey started hanging ornaments on the tree, I sat back on the couch and watched him for a few minutes. This Christmas, and every Christmas after this one, would be only the best for my son. I didn’t ever want to experience a holiday season like the last one again, and I definitely didn’t want Mickey to have to go through that.
Mickey turned around, ornament in hand, and smiled. He came over and held his hand out to me. I took it and stood up as we walked over to the tree. I went to get an ornament, but he held his arm out to hand me the one he had in his hand.

“You hang up this one,” he said.

I looked down at the ornament and held back a tear as a smile came to my face. It was the family ornament we had made the year Lia was born with a picture of all four of us on it. I looked down at Mickey and smiled, and he winked with a twinkle in his eye that only Billy could imitate before. I found a branch in the front of the tree, right in the middle, and hung the family ornament on it.

Part Two

“Mommy, Mommy, it’s snowing!” Mickey yelled running into my room on the morning of Christmas Eve. “Look Mom, it’s snowing!”

I sat up in bed and yawned once before looking out at the white snow falling on the already covered ground. I smiled to see the light in his eyes, and knew what he was longing to do. He and Billy had started a tradition of going outside at the first snowfall and building a giant snowman. Neither of us had felt up to it last year, but this year I think we both wanted to make up for it. Unfortunately, it hadn’t snowed all season, until today; the perfect day for building a snowman.

“Go get your snow suit on and I’ll be down in a minute,” I told him. He smiled and ran to his room to get ready while I got up and got dressed.

It wasn’t long before Mickey came bouncing into the room, his snowsuit only half way zipped up, and wanting to go out. I laughed and finished putting my sweater over my head before kneeling down and buttoning his jacket the rest of the way.

“Let’s go Mommy,” he said impatiently. I zipped up my own jacket and opened the door. He ran out ahead of me, but I stood on the porch for a few minutes watching him start to roll a giant snowball for the bottom. He wasn’t quite where Billy had been in his skills, but with a little practice he would get better.

“Come on Mommy,” he yelled to me, motioning for me to help him. I climbed down the steps and helped him to roll the snowball into a perfect base for a snowman.

We spent most of the rest of the day building a big snowman in between snowball fights with each other. The finished snowman was Mickey’s favorite he had ever built, and I went inside and took a few pictures of him standing next to it.

Part Three

Christmas morning finally arrived, and I was already awake by the time Mickey came running in my room to wake me up. He stood in the doorway when he saw sitting up in bed and just smiled. I got up and we went downstairs to see the tree.

“Whoa,” was all he could say as he stood at the foot of the stairs staring at all the wrapped presents. I smiled at him, glad that I did go a little overboard this year. I had to make up for the dreadful Christmas season last year. Once he recovered from the shock, he ran over and picked up a present, after looking back at me.

“Wait until we eat breakfast,” I told him heading into the kitchen.

“Can I at least go through my stocking Mom?” He asked giving me a puppy-dog-look.

“Yes, you can,” I told him as I got out a few eggs and pancake mix. In between watching breakfast and taking pictures of him opening his stocking, I realized how peaceful the Christmas season really was. I felt at total ease for the first time in too long and I was able to finally laugh and smile without thinking about the past.

He finished his stocking, and a few minutes later we ate our breakfast, and then it was time for presents. Mickey went over to the tree and began to look through the presents. What he was looking for I didn’t know, but he came over to me with a sparkle in his eyes and handed me a sloppily wrapped gift.

“You open the first one Mommy,” he said.

I took it from him and began to unwrap the heavy gift. It was a scrapbook, full of pictures of all four of us. I could tell Mickey had done it himself, and that’s what made me like it even more. I flipped through the pages, speechless at the work my young son had done, and without me knowing, too.

“Oh Mickey, this is wonderful. Thank you baby, this means more than I can say,” I said taking him in my arms.

“You’re welcome Mommy,” he said kissing my cheek. “Now we can both remember Daddy and Lia forever.”

“That’s right,” I replied. “Now go open your presents.”

I watched him happily open gift after gift, occasionally snapping pictures, and watched the excitement on his face grow more and more.

this is a really good story. keep it up!

Chapter Six-New Changes

Part One

The Christmas season was over, and we were getting ready to celebrate the ringing of the New Year. Mickey swore that he would make it all the way this year, and I was getting a strong feeling in my gut that this year would be a new kind of year for me. My resolution was to leave the past behind me completely. We would still remember Billy and Lia, but I wouldn’t let the memories take control of my life.

“Mom, count down with me,” Mickey suddenly said at fifteen seconds to midnight. Fourteen…thirteen…twelve…eleven…

“Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…ONE!” We counted together. The ball fell, illuminating the year. “Happy New Year!” We said to each other as we watched confetti fall on Times Square in New York City.

“I made it Mom, I made it,” Mickey said as he jumped up and down happily. It was his first time staying up all night to see the ball drop, and he smiled at his achievement. I turned off the television, now that we had seen what we wanted to, and put in some music to listen to for awhile. Neither of us was ready to sleep, and I wasn’t going to force Mickey to go to bed when I wasn’t going to bed for awhile myself.

Part Two
*A few days later.*

Ring. Ring.

“Who could that be?” I wondered as I finished zipping up my coat. I was getting ready to run a few errands and pick Mickey up from school afterwards, and I was already running late.

“Hello?” I asked, picking up the phone.

“Mrs. Gilman, this is Mr. Hall, the Principal of Hope Valley Elementary,” the male voice said on the other end of the phone.

“Is-Is there a problem, sir?” I asked nervously. The Principal has never had to call home before, and his voice didn’t sound too happy.

“I hate to be the one to explain the bad news, but I’m afraid Mickey had to be rushed to the hospital,” he started.

“What? Mickey’s at the hospital? Why? What happened?” I asked hurriedly, almost rushing out the door, except I was on the corded phone.

“Another student found him knocked out cold on the bathroom floor and rushed to tell a teacher. We don’t know yet what exactly has happened, but the other students are being sent home now and an investigation is starting this moment.”

“Thank you, and please keep me updated,” I requested.

“Of course ma’am,” he promised. “Your son should be there now in the emergency room.”

“Thank you, I’m headed out now,” I said and hung up. I grabbed my keys again and ran as fast as I could out the door and climbed into my car. I had to wait a few minutes before rolling out to defrost the car, but I was eventually able to drive out of the driveway and hurried down the highway with my flashers on.

Part Three

After a half hour of worry as I drove as fast as I dared to the hospital, and being stopped by nearly every red light along the way, I finally made it into the hospital parking lot. I hurried inside the emergency room entrance and up to the reception desk.

“Excuse me, I was told that my son was rushed here after something happened at school. His name is Mickey Gilman,” I told the secretary.

“Mickey…um, would it be Michael Gilman?” She asked, using the name on his birth certificate.

“Yes, that’s his name. Sorry about that, I’m just so used to calling him Mickey, everyone is,” I explained.

“I understand,” she said flipping through some files. “He’s in emergency room one, you may go and see him.”

“Thank you,” I said. I started walking towards the room and suddenly remembered that “emergency room one” was the room Billy was in when he died; the room was specially made for cases where the outcome was unknown. My knees suddenly felt weak and my stomach felt sick as I got closer, but everything soon became black all around me.

Chapter Seven-Helping Hands

Part One

“It must’ve been the fright of her son,” a strange voice was saying, but my head was foggy and I couldn’t register what he was talking about.

“No, it can’t be,” another voice said. “She never even made it into view of his bed.”

“What could have made her black out like that then?” The first voice wondered aloud as everything started to become clearer to me and I opened my eyes. It was another minute, one spent in silence, before the two doctors realized I was awake.

“Ah, Ms. Gilman,” one of them said. “I’m glad to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare.” I grinned at him, noticing the deep green in his eyes as he stood tall over my bed. His eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a minute before he finally went over to the counter and picked up a folder.

“How are you feeling Ms. Gilman?” He asked, flipping through some papers and glancing back at me.

“Where’s Mickey?” I asked, not even paying attention to his question.

“He’s in surgery right now, he was pretty bad,” he said with grimness in his voice that suggested nothing but bad news. “We’ll know how it turns out in an hour or so.”

“Do you know…how it happened?” I asked as tears formed in my eyes. I tried to hold them back, but he saw them and came back over next to me.

“It’s being investigated now, but so far they think that it was some bullies at his school and they repeatedly banged his head against the bathroom door and tossing him into the sink before leaving him unconscious,” he whispered as he leaned down closer to me. The tears broke and feel from my eyes as his locked with mine again, and almost self-consciously, he reached up and wiped my tears away. We both stared, shocked, for a minute before he nervously backed away and resumed his paperwork. There was a moment of awkward silence before I finally asked to see him, and he just nodded his approval without looking up at me.

“Dr. Johnson, don’t you think that she should stay in bed for awhile longer?” The younger doctor asked his superior.

“No, let her see her son,” he replied, still without looking up. Then, with a pang of regret in his voice, added, “I know what it’s like to not see your loved one, and then end up losing them before you can.”

Part Two

Doctor Johnson came out to the waiting room where I was sitting and praying for my son and sat down next to me. The look in his deep jade-green eyes was sad as he looked into my dark brown ones. I was about to tell him not to say anything and just take me to his room, but I wanted to know how everything went.

“Your son made it through the surgery fine, and right now he is still asleep, but will most likely be awake within an hour,” he explained, but the look in his eyes suggested that he was holding something back.

“So, he’ll be okay when he wakes up?” I asked nervously, afraid of the response I would get. My fears grew worse as he was a few moments in answering.

With a sigh he said, “I don’t know yet. His head was damaged pretty badly from being repeatedly hit, and we don’t dare to operate on him there just yet. This surgery was to repair his trachea from where he was stabbed by a pair of scissors. We can’t yet confirm how badly his brain was damaged until we can do a cat scan on him, but that cannot be done at this point in time.”

“May I go in and see him now?” I asked. He looked at me and nodded as he stood up, leading me up the stairs and onto the Intensive Care floor.

Part Three

I walked into room 212 and saw the small body of my son lying on the hospital bed, unconscious from the anesthesia, and surrounded by countless machines attached to him by tubes in various places of his body. It was too much for me to take as he laid there, hardly any signs of life in him at all, and I fell to my knees and cried. I felt my body start to shake horribly as a strange pair of arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders and carried me to a chair. He set me down and sat down next to me, holding my hand as I cried until my eyes were dry, and then I cried even more.

he better be ok.....

Chapter Eight-Remember Me?

Part One

It wasn’t until the next day when Mickey finally woke up, but as I sat there holding his hand, he looked around the room blankly. It was a minute or two before he saw me, and when he did he looked me like I was a stranger. It made me want to cry right there, but I held back the tears and spoke softly to him.

“Mickey, everything’s going to be fine,” I told him soothingly. “We’ll make it through this together.”

When he continued to stare at me, a tear escaped down my cheek and I felt a sob come up my throat. What was wrong with him? Why doesn’t he seem to recognize me? I knew then that I should call the doctor, but I felt as though I couldn’t move. My body was frozen in the chair as my son continued to look at me like I was a stranger.

“Mickey, do you know who I am?” I asked cautiously. He just stared at me, but eventually shook his head to say “no”. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably at the thought of him not knowing me. I tried to wipe them away, but it was no use. Nothing I did helped me, and when I tried to take my hand away from his to grab a tissue, his grip got tighter.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a hoarse whisper. I looked back at him, and noticed that tears were in his eyes as well. Leave it to my son, who was the spitting image of his father, to try anything to help out others. I smiled to myself as I thought of the pure innocence Billy managed to keep through everything he saw. Mickey would be that way, too.

Part Two

Almost a week passed, and though I was in there every day and tried to help Mickey remember, he still had no idea who I was. I kept telling him that I was his mommy, but as far as his mind knew, I was just a nice lady that came by everyday to talk to him. The doctors said that he had a severe concussion, and as soon as he started to get a little stronger, they would take him in for a cat scan to assess the damage.

Two full weeks after the incident, I picked up the newspaper and read on the front page “Singer’s Son in Critical Condition”, and underneath it read “Mickey Gilman injured in school accident”. I read the article, and was surprised when it said hardly anything about the two boys who did it to him, except that they were questioned. They were too young to be prosecuted, and according to the article, they had done it out of jealousy.

I looked over at my son, who was sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed, and kneeled on my knees and prayed, “Dear God, please help my son get through this. He’s all I have now. Please don’t take him from me, he deserves to live and achieve his goals. Also dear God, please help the boys who did this to him. They need things worked out in their lives, so please help them as well. Amen.”

As I opened my eyes, I fell backwards. There in front of me was the man I had least expected to see, but he was the man I had loved forever, and still did. It had been over a year since I had seen him last, yet there he was right in front of me, solid as ever.

“B-Billy?” I managed to stammer out. He just grinned at me, but then he looked up at Mickey and back at me.

“He’ll be fine,” he said softly as he reached for my hand. “Our son will be just fine; it’ll just take some time.” I only nodded, unsure of what to say. How could he possibly be here in front of me? Without knowing what I was doing, I fell into his chest and cried, like I had so many times before.

As if from a distance, I heard him say in a worried voice, “Micara, Micara, it’s alright! Mrs. Gilman, I have to tell you something.” I snapped out of it and realized that it wasn’t Billy’s chest I had fallen into; it was that of Dr. William Johnson.

“Huh? What’s going on?” I asked blankly as I wiped away my tears.

“We’re taking your son in for a cat scan, he seems to be strong enough,” he told me with a slight smile.

“Oh, thank you, thank you so much,” I said happily. Without thinking about what I was doing, I hugged him tight.

Part Three

I sat in the cold waiting room while Mickey was in the x-ray room for his cat scan. There were so many thoughts running through my head that I believed I would collapse, but luckily I didn’t.

Why did I hug the doctor earlier? Was there a reason I thought him to be Billy? And more importantly, will Mickey be alright?

I don’t know how long I sat there, but the next thing I knew, someone had there hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find Dr. Johnson sitting next to me, a slight grin on his face.

“How’s Mickey?” I immediately asked.

“There wasn’t any terminal damage done to his brain, which is good,” he told me. Even before he said anymore, I looked away and fought back tears. There was something wrong.

“What else was there?” I asked, preparing myself for anything…I hoped.

“It seems as though his severe concussion is actually the effect of a problem with the memory part of his brain. Luckily that was the only part damaged, but it could result in future problems. Such as…”

I put my hand up to cut him off and said, “Can we worry about that if, and only if, he will have problems?” He nodded and led me down the hall to Mickey’s new room.